Buttholes in Paris by Kanye East
by Spain Has CAAANDY
Summary: The crackiest story ever. Written by a friend.


**This was written by my friend on DeviantART, Unicorn-crossing, who gave me permission to upload it on my account~.**

**This is filled with A LOT of crack, so~ READ WITH CAUTION~!**

* * *

Romano was chillin' like a villain on the front porch. Sleeping. He liked to sleep. If he could, he would just marry sleep and wreck that shit up on his honeymoon. Have five kids and name them after different kinds of sandwiches. Rueben. Portabella. Grilled Cheese. Etcetera. He stretched with his hands up, touching the sky.

"Let's do this one more time," he mumbled.

Because starships were meant to fly. So he stretched his hands up, and touched th-

"GOOD MORNING MY LITTLE TOMATO SO CUTE OH I COULD JUST EAT YOU AMG I LOVE YOU ROMANO RUN AWAY WITH ME AND WE WILL DANCE LIKE NYMPHS IN THE NIGHT AND KISS EACH OTHER ON HOTEL BALCONIES"

"Morning, Asshat McGay—I mean, Spain."

Romano stood up and scratched his head then put on his Sparta costume.

"Romano, what are you doing?" asked Asshat McGay.

"I'm just gonna… hang out. Watch the bench for me."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST THAT MOTHERFUCKING BENCH, OKAY!"

With that, Romano ran off to be a hooligan. He caught a few people from the corner of his eye and leaped into a bush made entirely out of spaghetti. He slurped the spaghetti upon stalking this small group. He also pulled out his tamagochi (_what the fuck is spelling_) to check on his cute little strawberry. He named it L-Bastard.

"What do you mean you ate a fly!" moaned, I mean, exclaimed a surprised Englishman.

"HONHON, it just look so tastieeee I just have to eat it, honHOOON," replied an eccentric Frenchman.

"You really are a frog!"

"I am no frog!" The Frenchman pulled out a golf glove and slapped the Englishman with it.

"Eeeeee straight called him a biiiitch," Romano mumbled. He ate, tamagochi'd, and continued eavesdropping. He noticed the Englishman pulled out a wand – actually, more like a nuclear rod since it was glowing an unnatural green – and turned France-Frog-Face into, well, a frog.

"BIPPITY BOPPITY BITCH," snorted the man who was straight called a bitch.

"LE RIBBIT I WILL AVENGE YOU, BROWZILLA!" announced the frog as it gaily hopped away. Browzilla put his hands on his hips and snapped his fingers and started to dougie. Romano began snickering and took pictures of it on his iphone. He then uploaded the pictures to instagram and tumblr before hopping out of the bush screaming.

"DISCO POGO DING A LING A LING!" he screamed, causing the dougie-ing Brow-herder to scream. Romano then tackled him down with a suplex and began screaming some sort of gibberish or pig latin.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU GODDAMN ITALIAN," Browsef Stalin cried.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT YOUR DOG SAID LAST NIGHT!" retorted the witty Goddamn Italian. Bowseiden, king of the Browcean wiggled but could not break Romano's tight grip. Romano then picked him up and punted him into the sky.

"Browzilla's blasting off alreaaadyyyy!" was the last Romano heard him say. Romano then pulled out a hammer and began to beat the building he was standing next to. Another group of coincidentally dashing young men was walking by. One of them stopped the rest.

"Hey dude," said dashing young man one, "You can't beat a building with a hammer."

"Yes I can," Romano said, "My parents are dead."

"You're weird," Alfredo sauce commented and rode off on a Mochi America horse wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and ass-less chaps.

Romano stared at the scene while his hand was still busy hitting the building with a hammer. The other dashing young man banged two coconuts together and jumped around like he was on a horse.

"Broseph. Broski. Napoleon Bronaparte. That's disturbing. Don't do that." Romano suggested.

"YORO!" and with that, Pi-Kiku hit him in the elbow with a coconut and made a pterodactyl noise. Romano ripped off his toga and then his skin so that his lime green plaid morph suit was showing. He and Japanagram charged at each other. Nihon-desu pulled out a glue stick and attempted to strike dozens of times but then suddenly-

"Ahhhhh ya ya yaaaah, ya ya yaaah, yaaah, ya yah.  
Ohohohoooo! Oh ya yaaah, ya ya yaaah, yaaah, ya yah.  
Ye-ye-ye-ye-yeh ye-ye-yeh ye-ye-yeh, oh hohohoh.  
Ye-ye-ye-ye-yeh ye-ye-yeh ye-ye-yeh, oh hohohooooooooooo!  
-aaaaoooooh, aaaooo hooohaha  
Nah-nah-nah-nah-nuh-nuh, nah nuh-nuh, nah nuh-nuh, nah nuh-nuh, nuh-nah.  
Nah-nah-nah-nun, nun-ah-nah, nun-ah-nah, nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!  
Nah-nah-nah-nah-naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaah! Dah dah daaaaaaaaah  
Da-da-daaah, daaah, daa-daah.  
Lololololoooooooo! La la-laaaaaah, la la laah, lol, haha.  
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho, oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!  
Oh-ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho, lo-lo-loooo!  
AAIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-eee-eee-EEEE!  
Luh luh lah, lah, lah-lah.  
Oh-ho-ho-ho-hoooooo! BOPahdududuh-dah-da dudaaah!  
Da-da-daaah, daaah, daa-daah.  
Lololololo, lololo, lololol, la la la la yauh!  
Trolololo la, la-la-la, la-la-la-  
Oh hahahaho! Hahaheheho! Hohohoheho! Hahahaheho!  
Lolololololololo, lololololololol, lololololololol, lololo LOL!  
Ahhhhh! La-la-laaah! La la-laaah, laaah, la-la.  
Oh-ho-ho-ho-hoooooo! La, la-laaaah, lalala, lol, haha.  
Lolololo-lololo-lololo, oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!  
Lolololo-lololo-lololo, oh-ho-ho-ho hooooooooooooooooo!"

A WILD RUSSIA APPEARED. ROMANO USED KEISHA FABO.

"You walkin' up to me n' talking loads of shit, how can you talk so much, with a mouth full of dick? I'm tyin up yo' ass and hang it 'round the block. How can you move so much with an ass full o' cock? Ivan, Ivan, well it has been fun. I got a homie with me, how many you got? None."

"Oh my god what da fuq I'm fuckin' outta dis shit fuck you stupid hoes."

IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE.

"Oooh," said Kiku, "You got that stupid bitch, And we got a new booty pop."

THEN OUT OF NOWHERE CAME GERMANY IN A CHEETAH PRINT LEOTARD.

"COME ON BABIES, LET'S POP OUR PUSSIES."

ORE-SAMA-SO-FUCKING-AWESOME-OH-THE-HUMANITY then came in a train and opened all of the doors and did a romanian-trapeze-artist backflip out of the train car and did a butt-stand and said "AAAALLLL ABOOOOAARD!" Romano ran up screaming and did a drop kick, smashed all the windows in with a ballpoint pen, and ran out.


End file.
